Oh, Mom

I started this blog in 2007 with a post called Hi, Mom. And then I forgot about this blog from sometime in 2009 until now. What happened?

When I went back and reread what I wrote, I was struck by a fundamental optimism. That was pre-social media, back when the Internet didn’t seem like such a hostile environment. That was also before a round of crises related to family, health and work, and distractions like being a lead soccer mom and getting a Ph.D. Lots of life happened. But I am glad to be reminded of the trajectory of my thoughts at the time. I told my advisor in recent years that I was going to do Anthropology of Science next, because the culture of science itself is richly worthy of study. Perhaps that is still my trajectory.

And the last year, actually a year and a day, December 20-December 20, was about you, Mom. I drove down and joined you on December 20 last year because we learned you were expecting some bad news. We got that news on December 24, from a doctor who ended the call with “Merry Christmas.” Yes, Merry f***ing Christmas, as we said at the time. I helped you shelter in place from March through May while you finished up chemo. I met you in St. Louis for the whipple, and helped you get back on an even keel at home, which took a couple of months, although as you noted, there was never really enough time to recover from surgery, especially because the pathology report didn’t come back as clean as we’d have liked. I don’t think you ever drove or cooked after that, although for a while you still walked outside. We celebrated your 85th birthday in September. I came down for a week of vacation in October, and stayed to help you through one more procedure, and with the decision to receive hospice care at home. Then I was your primary caregiver, until the morning of December 20. I hope Cousin Frank and the rest of the gang were right there on the other side, waiting for you. Besides a brand-new planner for 2021, you left your glasses on top of your phone, and the emptiest pair of slippers I have ever seen.

Oh, Mom.